I'm going to hell for laughing at this, part 2929420

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/5713869/detail.html

-----------------------------------------------------
Man Killed In Wood Chipper Identified
Brian Morse Owned Brian's Tree Service

LOVELAND, Colo. -- The man who was pulled into a commercial wood chipper and killed was identified Thursday as the owner of a tree trimming service.

The coroner said Brian Ganiard Morse, 54, was killed instantly Wednesday afternoon when his hand got caught and he was somehow pulled into the machine.

Morse was identified using fingerprints.

The Larimer County Coroner ruled the death accidental and said Morse's cause of death was "total morselization of body due to being pulled by a gloved hand into a commercial wood chipper."

Morse owned Brian's Tree Trimming and Removal Service in Loveland.

Police said there are no indications that alcohol or drugs were factors in the accident and the results of toxicology tests are pending. There are no indications of suspicious circumstances or foul play, investigators said.

Morse's partner saw what happened from the hydraulic bucket where he was cutting branches. He got down and ran to the house where they were working to ask for help. The woman inside called 911 for help, but Morse was pronounced dead at the scene.
----------------------------------------------------

1) "Morselization" is my new favorite word

2) His name was Brian Morse. He was "MORSElized"

...Wow.

Yikes

I was at Walgreens yesterday. They already had Cadbury Cream Eggs out by the register.

Absurdity Ahoy!

Sarah Lenore Schroeder, bless her heart, sent me a birthday card with this picture pasted on it. It appears as though I've been bested in the realm of completely random humor.

In other news, as I type this I'm losing my Chimey Ale virginity. Those Belgian Trappist monks make some fine beer.

I hate Brazilian soccer

Congratulations to Ronaldinho, FIFA's Footballer of the Year, and the ugliest son of a bitch on the planet.

America, America, THIS IS YOU

Does anyone else find the suits Bob Saget wore on 'America's Funniest Home Videos' somewhat comforting?

Ok, so the above picture is not a great example, but think back to the early 90s. There was something almost cozy about those blazers.

Mitsubishi Eclipse 6/14/00 - 12/9/05

Long story short: Got into an ice-related accident last night; the back passenger side of my car was annihilated. Legally my fault (failing to yield on a left turn); the woman who hit me - one of Emily's former professors and a very nice woman - was trying to stop for the light but caught the ice. She was totally fine; I am too aside from a nice bump on my head and a cut hand in a few places.

Either way, looks like my insurance is going to be on the rise. Hopefully the fact that whatever car I end up buying won't be a "sports" car will offset it some though.

But the Eclipse is no more. Obviously I have my priorities in the right places, but I still won't miss that car much.

Why couldn't we have played Saudi Arabia?

The World Cup is the only time I ever get patriotic. They just did the draws for next years groups, and...

Italy
Czech Republic
Ghana
USA

It's going to be a bitch for the US to get out of that group. Plus, I have to root against my distant relatives (haha)

Oh well. The Cup doesn't start until June; maybe the Black Death will strike again before that

Why couldn't we have played Iowa?

One downside to the Nebraska-Michigan Alamo Bowl match-up (aside from three weeks of people assuming that UM will kill us): I won't be able to shout "WOLVERINES!" a la Red Dawn

Oh shit

I just realized an uncanny resemblence between the picture below and my current profile.

Fortunately, I can't find anything to stab myself with within reach

Thanks Liz, that was a fine waste of 45 minutes

The Boy Next Door Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm) Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet. We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what. On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold. More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not. ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: Maaland1242

ahahahAHAHAHAHAHA

'Out Of Control' Scott Stapp Incites Melee With 311 At Baltimore Hotel

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1517207/12012005/id_0.jhtml?headlines=true

As someone on the Something Awful forums pointed out, perhaps it was really a battle over who was more irrelevant.

Well there you have it.

News Link offered me a job writing for various newsletters. I took it.

Now that I'm not trying to "escape" Lincoln, I suppose the purpose of this blog must change as well.

Or maybe just the template.

R.I.P. Mr Miyagi

I will try to find an opportunity to crane kick some blonde kid today in your honor.

Anyone who remembers/enjoyed Super Mario Brothers 2 will get a kick out of this

Make sure your speakers are on first.

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3343&p=4

MOTHER OF GOD



Other deep thoughts for the day: 'Dirty Work' starring Norm Macdonald is one of the best films of the last ten years.

Jesus tapdancing Christ I am so damn bored

No one's around and I'm watching the NU basketball team take on some school named Longwood.

I jacked this from Liz's blog. Something about the 7 deadly sins. Hopefully my night will end with my stomach exploding from too much spaghetti or whatever the heck that was.

Yeah, I realize it's stupid as hell but you know you're going to read it anyway

WRATH
1. Who did you last get angry with? The woman from Garmin that asked if I was comfortable using a computer
2. What is your weapon of choice? I know karate. And jujitsu. And three or four other Japanese words
3. Would you attack a member of the opposite sex? Verbally, hells yeah
4. How about of the same sex? I made a pretty harsh slide tackle on a guy this season
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? The guy I tackled, probably
6. What is your pet peeve? Do I only get one? The Black Eyed Peas. Seriously, what the hell
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Fucking pirates, thinking they can attack our ships in the Mediterranean whenever they want. (YEAH THATS RIGHT, I JUST WORKED A BARBARY WARS REFERENCE INTO THIS)

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? I don't know, work?
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Stupid question. Next
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but havent? Justin; Schacht's mom
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I'm not in the mood to drink
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Ronco Food Dehydrator.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? Fuck off, it's been cold. Ok, maybe last Friday
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? Haha

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Seconding Liz- Naked Juice
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? There is meat beyond poultry last I checked
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? Beats me
4. Are You comfortable with your drinking habits? I've gotten sick off of booze once [ends dickwave]
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Yes please
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"? Depends on which of the two would be the side dish

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? I actually began to count this. Then I remembered freshman year at Shakers
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting family)? Four or five or thirty-eight
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Oh come on
4. Have you had sex? Yeah last I checked
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Pancreas
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Zac and I may have been on Monday, we're not sure
7. Have you ever gotten tested for STDs or pregnancy? I pissed on the applicator and got a '+' sign, what do I win

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? I don't know, two or three? Who cares
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? BED BATH AND BEYOND. Fuck you.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? 1) Student loans 2) new bike 3) Go hang out in Jonn's hut for a while
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? I am famous already, so rich I guess
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Shit, probably
6. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? 1,034. That'll come in handy later I bet

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Getting a TKO against Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punch Out
2. What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? Not being arrested probably
3. What thing would you like to accomplish later in your life? Teach my son/daughter how to beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Not if it doesn't bother second place. Get it? THANKS FOLKS I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of? Liz did you fuck this up when you copied it
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Shit yeah
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Getting most of the way through this stupid thing

ENVY
1. What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Hmm. Jarod's apartment in the East Village I suppose. And Savener's eTrex, because I'm bored and poor
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Maureen used to make me watch that show. I had almost forgotten about it.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Joseph Fiennes, because then I could say I banged Heather Graham in a crappy movie once.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? I don't think so, but who knows (aside from the obvious)
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl, something something something call her
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? I wish I could wear a cap without looking goofy
7. Finally, what is your favorite Deadly Sin? Yogurt

Pretty funny link.

http://lindsaylohannekkid.ytmnsfw.com/

Not porn or anything, but I wouldn't look at it at work.

Make sure your speakers are turned on too.


God Bless America

That orange sweatshirt is awesome

One of the photos from Halloween at Iguana's. When we were going around lobbying for votes for best group costume, we met these Asian kids. They were dressed up as (and this is a direct quote) "CRAZY KIDS!"

Oh yeah, and once again, I'm Rick Moranis's character from Ghostbusters. I tried.

Thanks a fucking bunch, Yahoo

Nothing greater than being asked by an HR rep if I'm comfortable working with computers, considering the job I'm applying for is 120% computer-based. Jesus.

Meant to post this a while ago

COSTUMES ARE FUN

Last night I found myself dressed up as Louis Tully, the Rick Moranis character in Ghostbusters, for the group costume contest at Iguanas. Unfortunately (or thankfully), we lost to the Fanta girls. Shit, they were hot.

Didn't stick around for the individual contest, but thankfully the idiot that dressed up as a "suicide bomber" (complete with Muslim outfit!) got enough boos that I'm confident he didn't win.

When it rains, it pours. I guess

Weird afternoon. I'm at the Coffee House; first I run into my advisor, who not only remembers me but offers me a letter of recommendation if I need it. Yay.

Then I see I missed a phone call. Alright, so back in May when I thought I'd just stick around Lincoln for awhile, I started thinking of places I could work at, and as I drove past Southpointe one day, I thought "I could probably work at GNC. Hell, my past retail experiences involved nothing but me bullshitting the customers anyway, and I'm sure that's all I'd do at that place"

So I filled out the online application. In May.

And today, October 27, I get a phone call asking if I want to be interviewed to work out at Gatetown Shoppingfield Westway or whatever the fuck it's called now.

So should I live a lie? Any insight?

Bloody hell

Garmin finally fucking called me. Now I get to wait around until next Thursday to talk to them.

They've asked me in one way or another three times so far as to what my GPA was in college. If they ask me again it'll be hard not to say "It was a 22.3" or something. Not that I should complain. Besides, they want a copy of my transcript, so they'll eventually figure it out anyway.

I just applied for an internship that's like 2 miles from my aunt and uncle's in Boston, but I'd opt for KC at this point, since I could have my own place... which, after being back at home for nearly six months sounds kind of nice.

But I should shut up (until next Thursday). Who needs a drink.

I'VE RUN OUT OF CRAP TO POST ABOUT

Alright.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1577408.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
David Copperfield to 'magic' girl pregnant

David Copperfield says he plans to impregnate a girl on stage - without even touching her.
Speaking to German magazine Galore, the illusionist rejected the theory that there were only seven different kinds of magic tricks.
He said: "Bull s**t! There is a great deal of new territory to conquer. In my next show I'm going to make a girl pregnant on stage."
He added: "Naturally it will be without sex. Everyone will be happy about it, but I'm not telling you any more."
The magician is currently on tour in Germany with his show, An Intimate Evening of Grand Illusion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey kewl

Not a bad night.

I decided to hell with it ("it" being $$$), and Liz and I went downtown to get fancy drinks.

Started at Zen's; ran into a couple guys from high school; told them about how I was going to the U. of Colorado med school... (yeah, exactly). The music forced us to relocate to Marz, where our drinks were uber-strong but we got chips and salsa for $1.50. Then decided to go to Doc's Place for the first time ever; pretty stupid.

Got home; noticed that The Tao of Steve, a movie I have probably rented enough to own seven times over is on FX.

Tomorrow: Driving to Peru (Nebraska) for Crystal's mom's wedding.

You did nothing new, 1972. Where's the "fuck you"?

Two firsts for me last night:

1) Sleater-Kinney covered Danzig's "Mother"

2) The opener, The Gossip, became the first good opening act I've seen at Sokol. They sounded something like Franz Ferdinand, but with a female singer, and a hell of a lot better.

My right ear, which was maybe 10' from the main speaker, still hurts a bit.

Remedy? Watch Rambo: First Blood.

I am the frustrated

Phone interview was kind of goofy, without going into it too much. May be underqualified for it, but whatever. I was naive enough to think that perhaps I would've known something more definate yesterday, but nope- more waiting.

Assuming Liz made it back from Chicago, we're gonna go see Sleater-Kinney at Sokol. GRRL RAWK.

Hell, they released one of the best albums I've heard this year. Plus it's not every day I'm outnumbered 10 to 1 in terms of gender.

The Old Stizzle explanation

Today I asked Reg, who owns Duffy's and sponsors/plays on my soccer team, why Old Style tall boys went up to $1.50 on Tuesdays.

His reason: Profit.

Well there you go.

THIS POST WILL NO DOUBT JINX ME

Found a posting for an internship with the National Parks Conservation Association ( www.npca.org ); pretty well paying for an internship. I suppose it helps that I give a damn about what they do too. Sent some guy the usual info; get to talk to him next week.

May be Fort Collins instead of Boston. I'm going to go knock on wood for about twenty minutes straight now.

Oh, and Go Big Red.

A History of shooting people in the face

Crystal, Matt and I saw A History of Violence last night. Matt figured out the message the film was trying to convey quickly afterwards:

If you're going to hit someone in the face, make sure you thrust your palm upwards into their nose. Upwards.

The Four Horsemen are saddling up

Excerpt from a phone conversation with Jarod, Thursday evening, 5:50 pm:

---------------------------------
MATT: Hey, did Schacht ever get a hold of you?
JAROD: Uh, yeah. Probably going to go up there [Adirondacks] next weekend.
MATT: How are you going to get up there?
JAROD: Rent a car. Kate will be with me.
MATT: Who the fuck is Kate?
JAROD: My, uh, girlfriend.
MATT: Ok, the world just broke.
JAROD: Yeah, it's been a good Fall for me.
--------------------------------

Wow, so Jarod is in a relationship. Everything has come full circle.

(Jarod, if you're reading this, you know I jest. Well done my friend)

Apparently "Kate" lives a block away from him in the East Village, so if I go to NYC late October-ish I can have my very own $1200/month studio for a night or two.

Or twenty-six.

S-A-T-U-R! T-U-R! DAY!

I just realized I'm getting quite tired of Iron & Wine.

That is all.

Oh snap.

In an hour and 8 minutes I'll be done with my temp assignment with the state. I had applied for a job as a messanger for a law firm downtown, which would've been awesome as I could've utilized my bike. As of now I'm going to assume I didn't get it, probably because of my unclear future. Oh well; it was $7 an hour, 22 hours a week. And most lawyers suck.

Assuming what few affairs I have are in order, and that the company I applied for in KC doesn't call, I'm thinking of making the trek out to Beantown sometime in late October. I'll stay with my cousin, drop some resumes around and see if anyone bites. Hell, may even try Connecticut.

Road trip, anyone?

Schacht and I made it from Lincoln to Boston in 2 days; we left at 9 on a Saturday morning, got to a hotel in NW Ohio about 10:30 pm; slept, and got back on the road at 8 am and somehow made it to my cousin's in suburban Boston at 9 pm. Shit, we even made an utterly pointless detour through downtown Cleveland.

It'll be interesting to see how long it takes me solo; got places to crash in Chicago, Detroit, maybe even Syracuse. May cut through Ontario in lieu of Ohio this time.

Hell, I'm probably jumping the gun here; I've just completely checked out of this job and really don't feel like being productive.

Case and point- I've been typing this for 13 minutes.

I suck at the blogging

Crap, I somehow posted that twice. When I get home I'll replace this with a picture of something stupid.

EDIT (11 hours later): To hell with stupidity; it's CUTE KITTEN TIME

This would be Hermoine, Liz's cat.

So this damn blog has come to photos of kittens. I'll go watch football now.

(First anti-Bush-related post)

TV on the Radio, one of the few bands that gives me hope that the current state of music is not completely circling the drain, has a new song out (free MP3 download on their label's site).

Anti-Bush songs are a dime a dozen by now, but this is one, if not the best I've heard.

And I realize that posting song lyrics is an incredibly emo thing to do. Maybe later I'll write a some pretentious sonnet (or maybe a haiku, if I'm feeling ZANY). But to hell with it:

http://www.tgrec.com/bands/band.php?id=28&photo=798

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'DRY DRUNK EMPEROR'

baby boy
dieing under hot desert sun,
watch your colours run.

did you believe the lie they told you,
that christ would lead the way
and in a matter of days
hand us victory?
did you buy the bull they sold you,
that the bullets and the bombs
and all the strong arms
would bring home security?
all eyes upondry drunk emperor
gold cross jock skull and bones
mocking smile,
he's been standing naked for a while!
get him gone, get him gone, get him gone!!
and bring all the thieves to trial.

end their promise
end their dream
watch it turn to steam
rising to the nose of some cross legged god
gog of magog
end times sort of thing.
oh unmentionable disgrace
shield the childrens faces
as all the monied apes
display unimaginably poor taste
in a scramble for mastery.
atta' boy get em with your gun
till mr. mega ton
tells us when we've won
orwhat we're gonna leave undone.

all eyes upon
dry drunk emperor
gold cross jock skull and bones
mocking smile,
he's been naked for a while.
get him gone, get him gone, get him gone!!!
and bring all his thieves to trial.

what if all the fathers and the sons
went marching with their guns
drawn on washington.
that would seal the deal,
show if it was real,
this supposed freedom.
what if all the bleeding hearts
took it on themselves
to make a brand new start.
organs pumpin on their sleeves,
paint murals on the white house
feed the leaders L.S.D
grab your fife and drum,
grab yor gold baton
and let's meet on the lawn,
shut down this hypocrisy.

That asshole...

Finally talked to Steve over lunch- that sonuvabitch is going to make $200 + tips at some party at his restaurant (some joint north of Times Square) tonight. Jackass.

Wait, I'm at work right now. I shouldn't be making random posts on my blog. Whoops

Bite me, I like football (and suck at predicting scores), part 2

Let's see how off I am this week!

Nebraska 24
Wake Forest 10

I'll likely be watching this with Liz, cradling a bottle of Knob Creek.

How I spent my Labor Day

READ AND POST ON JONN'S BLOG

The link is to your right.

Below are random photos from last weekend's D Street gathering. If you wonder why we're all sweating... it was hot.

Random photos from the double going-away fiesta, 8/27

These are fucking obligatory:
KYEEEEEEEEIIIIIIII! (yeah, Cory knows the score here):
Jarod and Liz discuss... something intellectual; Maureen looks on:

Thanks for the awesome beverages, Emily:
I like this one just because it resembles some form of torture:

DANCE PARTY D STREET USA (complete with lightsabers). I know like 2 1/2 people in this photo, by the way: Sup Jarod:
Convenient shot of the shortlived mohawk, Jarod's ultra-small Nelson Mandela shirt, and me downing a PBR:
The dude whom will forever be known (by me at least) as the guy with the bottleholder taped to his crutch:

Bite me, I like football

Nebraska 55
Maine 13

EDIT (11:48 pm) ...and as luck would have it, I get to go to the game, courtesy of Gene and Jackie (J-Rod's parents)

CYLLABUS (2nd work rant)

-------------------------------------------------
"Hey, 'syllabus' is spelled with a 'c', right?"

"I think it's an 's'"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, pretty sure"

"Then why do all those smart college people spell it with a 'c'?"

"Haha"
------------------------------------------

...what the fuck?

The things I overhear at work... ironically I was listening to 'Scorpio Rising' by Death in Vegas at the time, the chorus of which is "If I don't go crazy I'll lose my mind"

I had to get out and took an early lunch; just as I walk back in the building Sarah calls and asks if I'd eaten yet. Gosh darnit. At least I got the Lyrics Born album at Homers; gave me something new to listen to during the afternoon. And I found out I won't be getting that reporter job, at least any time soon. Whatever.

Guess I had better put Phase 12 into effect.

Hey, first rant post!

Two of the random 20-something women that I currently work with were talking about how gas had surpassed the $3 mark, and then bitched about it for a couple minutes. It got to the point where I couldn't help but interrupt and ask them why it jumped so much in the last couple days.

I got one of those "you're probably right, but shut up anyway" responses.

What, would you rather be stuck on a rooftop in the bayou, or in a large stadium with 20,000 other people for three days straight?

Ok I'm done.

Line up the bastards All I want is the truth

...I lost my copy of The Foo Fighters' There is Nothing Left to Lose a few years ago; I forgot what a kickass song 'Stacked Actors' was. Maybe the best "hard rock" song of the last several years.

Yeah. Rock and/or Roll. I must be getting nostalgic because all music sucks at the moment.

I should probably call Carina; she's in the Mississippi Delta. I think they just got a shit ton of rain there though.

Anyone want to go to New Orleans once it's cleaned up? I bet it'll be dirt-cheap.

I think it's safe to say Bourbon Street is fucked.

Aftermath

Jonn got his own mohawk. Maureen reminded me why I stopped spending time with her. And my index finger hurts because I cut it climbing a chain link fence to jump into a particular artificial body of water.

Ugh.

Sarah and I just saw The Brothers Grimm.

...

I started this post with the intent of ranting about that particular film, but it's just not worth my fucking time.

Ten's and N's Going-Away Shindig

<--- Wow, he hasn't changed at all since this was taken in 2002. Justin's going to Austin to be indie, and Jonn's going to Zambia to get one of those diseases where you bleed out of every opening in your body. Saturday Saturday SATURDAY

Meanwhile, I should probably shave more frequently now that I have a "job" where that is expected. Gotta look smooth while I file random shit.

NORWEGIAN DEATH METAL

I came across this about ten minutes ago and haven't stopped laughing yet... the expression on his face.... priceless... whew. I'm ok.

http://ruthlessreviews.com/top10/10blackmetal2.html

End of Summer, or something

I realized that, in a way, I too had a Summer vacation. I haven't worked since May 5, and start working (or doing something aside from job-hunting) again on Monday (when classes start). UNL is something I should be oblivious to at this point, but... heck, I don't know.

Was it enjoyable? Aside from my week in Massachusetts/Maine, not really. I suppose I've met some new people and what not, although who knows whether I'll still be in this town in two months.

Downtown was crazy this evening. Probably four times as many people as I've seen there in the last three months. Guess that's to be expected and all.

Alright. I'm done being introspective or whatever; gonna watch Airplane! on AMC for a while longer, enjoy sleeping till 11 or 12, and then find some way to kill five hours before heading up to EMOha.

GEAR SHIFT!

LOOK OUT MR. PRESIDENT!!!!!
Damn, I am going to hell.

On a completely unrelated note (unless you can relate a twist on the JFK assassination to my job plans; I'm still working on it):

Boy did I ever just throw a curveball into my future "plans". I hung out with Liz last night; she told me that her employer (a group that publishes newletters for various organizations) is looking to hire more people to do what she does.

What does she do? She gets to be a reporter for railroad-related stuff (Liz, if you're reading this forgive me). Every couple of weeks she has to travel to various parts of the country to do random stories on random things. Dispite that fact I have no collegiate-level journalism experience (aside from that stupid Journalism 101 class I took as an elective), I'm apparently qualified for this job because I can do the following:

I have just written a sentence to show that I am qualified for this position.

Haha. Anyway, considering how I only have one legitimate job prospect at the moment (in suburban KC), and on top of that I've never been completely certain I want to get into this whole GIS thing, and I'm young, and blah blah blah hurr blah, I just sent her boss a resume and one nifty cover letter. The pay is less than I would probably get doing GIS stuff, but at least it'd have variety. Plus, I probably would just continue to live at home for the forseeable future.

What the hell.

Well, at least I found a [temp] job

Data entry for the Health & Human Services department. Goes only until Sept. 15th or so, but it may get me enough to relocate to Boston to find something legit.

Shit, I believe I've forgotten how to get up at 6:45 since May.

[Title]

Tonight marks the first occasion in my life on which I've "stolen" alcohol from my parents. I yanked about 3 1/2 glasses worth of box wine. I believe it was blush.

This is the fourth night in a row I've been up past 3 am. Yikes... reason #7592347589423298 why I need to find a job. It won't be long now before I spend my evenings drinking Fresca and banging my head into the wall in sync to the beat of "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray.*

I did accomplish something tonight, though. I found the remix of "Failure" by Kings of Convenience that was used in the video; for some reason substituting a trumpet for cello or two that were used in the original recording makes it sound a lot better. I'm suck a sucker for Norwegian folk-rock.
Oh, and if anyone that reads this cares, they're invited to Jonn's going-away thing in Omaha this Saturday. Carpool leaves at a time TBD.



*Don't... just don't ask.

Fuck tha po...stal service

Got this e-mail from my uncle's partner out in San Diego today:

-------------------------------------------
From: Richard Aune
To: Matthew Anderson
Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 14:32:43 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Announcement...

We just got your commencement announcement in the mail today. It's postmarked April 11th. I wonder where the hell it has been? Does the Pony Express still work in Nebraska?
-------------------------------------------

And there went what lingering respect I had left for the USPS. Crap, I'd better get working on Jonn's Xmas 2006 care package so he gets it on time.

It took me all summer, but...

Got this laptop in late April. When I moved back home, I had to go back to using my dad's awesome Juno dial-up service. Thing is, I was getting a lot of prompts regarding the connectivity of my wireless network.

On a hunch, I just went out on our porch. I'm picking up 3 signals, and my connection is now damn fast.

It's the little things, I suppose.

R.I.P.

Bummer. I liked his voice the best out of all the news anchors.

Colin Farrell just plain sucks.

I'm watching 'Alexander' with my dad right now. Ebert was dead on when he said this was the worst movie of 2004.

But hey, this the gayest (literally) movie I've seen since Top Gun.

RANDOM PHOTOGRAPHY AHOY

This is what I do with my life now.
Well, actually I did the art walk downtown with Jonn, Justin and Brett, and then I took pictures of myself.

Yikes.

I'm about an hour removed from jumping off a 20' diving board. Don't ask.

It made the ride home pretty interesting. And cold.

1,264 days until a new president

Senator Joe Biden (D-Delaware) was on The Daily Show tonight. As of now he's planning on running in 2008.

Hey, I'd back him up solely on the fact he told Bush to his face that he should fire Rumsfield and not retain Cheney for the '04 ticket... while Cheney was in the room.

Too bad he won't win.

ahahahahaHAHAHAHA

I got offered a job today...

...at the freaking DMV. The state's temp agency wanted me for 3 months; I told them no thanks. I can think of any number of things I would rather do than spend 40 hours a week at that place; many of them involve personal mutilation. Hopefully if/when they call me again, it'll be something downtown.

Jonn and I saw a bald guy wearing a skirt today. More power to him, I suppose. Hell, if he's comfortable with it, I see no reason why he should try hair restoration products.

THIS POST DEDICATED TO SARAH B.

(Since she claims she actually enjoys reading the tripe I spew here)

Enjoy the random jpeg's, dear.

Don't eat at Noodles & Company.

Whomever is responsible for that caption should be dragged into the street and shot.

Speaking of "Hurt", that's how my lower torso feels at the moment.

Backstory: since I got back from the northeast, Tuesday nights have usually been the high point of the week. I'd get on my Cannondale and venture north six miles to downtown, then meet up with Jonn and whomever at the Coffee House before heading over to Duffy's for "Dad's Beer Night". The ride back home is always interesting, since the trail lacks lighting (although obviously my bike does not). Good times.

Anyway, back to tonight- I decided, against my better judgement, to get take-out from Noodles & Company. Yay fast-casual. I had gone to the one here twice before; both times it sucked. My dad claims it made him sick once. Nothing else sounded good, though, so I went there anyway and got some "Whole Wheat Tuscan Fettechini" or something.

Let's just say it made me feel, uh, not well. I had to go downtown anyway to get something from Ayesha, but I opted to drive since biking probably would've done a number on me tonight. Made it to Duffy's eventually; stuck around for one Old Style and a pathetic game of pool with Coffee House barista Brett before I started to feel gross again. The I came home and bitched about Noodles & Company on my goofy blog.

Rumor is that one of these is going in at 14th and P (where Rock 'N' Roll Runza/Flatwater Grill used to be), so everyone watch out.

Sorry to anyone that read that.

Count Dooku rocks out with the best band ever

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1471860.html

Christopher Lee to sing at heavy metal festival
Octogenarian actor Christopher Lee is reportedly performing at a heavy metal festival in Germany.
The 82-year-old Lord of the Rings star is taking part in the Earthshaker Festival in Geiselwind, Bavaria.
He will sing with two bands, Manowar and Rhapsody, according to concert organisers.
Lee will be accompanied by a live orchestra and a choir and will perform alongside heavy metal bands such as Grave Digger, Dragonlord and Forces of Evil.
---------------------------

There are few things I would've liked to witness as much as this moment. And not that it has apparently passed, what do I have to live for? WHAT, I ASK YOU.

Oh yeah, the World Cup is next year. Congratulations on redeeming yourself, Germany.

JUDGMENT DAY (ok, not really)

I've waited long enough; tomorrow morning (or this morning, rather) I plan on checking up on the resumes I sent to firms/agencies in the Boston area. In my heart of hearts I doubt I will hear anything positive, but I obviously have to try. I'll probably check up on some stuff around Lincoln and Omaha too.

And Gallup didn't want me. Shucks. Either way, if I don't have some sort of employment by the end of this month... well, I suppose I can bum around Jonn's hut in Zambia all day for the next two years.

Bad Year for Music thus far.

As I sit on my bed listening to random stuff in my iTunes library, I realized that there haven't been a whole lot of decent albums (in my irrelevant opinion) released in 2005.

Let's see...

GOOD:
Beck - Guero
Gorillaz - Demon Days
Sleater-Kinney - The Woods

DISAPPOINTMENTS:
Doves - Some Cities
Mars Volta - Frances the Mute

ALBUMS I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO OUT OF FEAR THAT BASED ON THE ONE SINGLE I HEARD THEY WILL FURTHER LESSEN MY OPINION OF THAT BAND:
Weezer - Make Believe
Coldplay - X&Y

I can't think of anything else coming out this year.

For HISTORY!

Schacht, trying to explain in a tactful manner what the Vanderbilts did when they weren't screwing over 90% of the U.S. population.

(Oh, he's interning at one of their old estates in the Adirondacks, by the way)

THE MOST DEPRESSING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

(Obviously you have to be familiar with Calvin & Hobbes to get that).

After I stop crying like a little girl I'm going to go bake cookies for Alicia's birthday and tonights gathering at D Street.

...what a wonderful sentence that was.

USSSA BASEBALL NEVER FORGET

I wanted to saturate Schacht's car with those magnetic ribbons when we drove out to Boston, but we wussed out.

So far these are my favorites, aside from the 'UNITED WE STAND' ones that have "Made in China" printed at the bottom:

1) 'Autism Awareness'. Not because of the cause, but because the ribbon was a bunch of puzzle pieces. For fuck's sake...

2) 'Iowa Hawkeyes'. I suppose it's in memory of their football team having any chance at a national championship, am I right? HahahaHA! Uh, anyway...

And I now have a #3, which I saw on the back of an SUV driving home from downtown. At first, all I could see was that it was white with red print, so I thought it was the inevitable Cornhusker ribbon. Upon closer examination, it said "BASEBALL" and "USSSA LEAGUE". Maybe somebody died or something. I just don't get it anymore.

That said, I just can't wait until 2027 when those rubber wristbands make a comeback.

Gallup.

So my father, whom I believe is oblivious to the way the job market operates post-1975, told me to apply for Gallup because the benefits are good and the people that work there love their jobs and blah blah hurrr blah. I threw him a bone, and applied online for some vague position aimed at college grads.

I just had to answer 180(!) of questions online like this:

I ENJOY MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BAD.-----------------------I ENJOY PAIN.
(Strongly) -------------------Neutral-------------------(Strongly)

Since I figured out quickly that it was the same four questions repeated, perhaps I'll have a shot.

I should stop exploiting the Coffee House's free WiFi now.

Chelsea vs. DC United tonight on ESPN2.

God Bless You, Matt Clement.

While I had heard about what happened to my favorite goatee'd pitcher last night, I didn't see the footage until ESPN showed it about 10 minutes ago. Yikes.

FUN FACT: The line drive he took to the face came courtesy of Carl Crawford, one-time Nebraska QB recruit.

Anyway, here's to you Matt. We'll need you until Epstein shells out for more help.

Best Hungarian film I have ever seen.

Jonn and I went to see this film called 'Kontroll' at the Ross. Kind of a dark comedy about the hired goons that patrol the subway in Budapest.

The ending was kind of weak, but it was still the best film I've seen in some time.

...that is, except for 'Dave'. I borrowed it from my grandmother's collection while she's away.

Nonstop presidential impersonation hilarity! Ok then.

I'm sorry, but I'm quite bored.

This is what living at home post-college will do to you. I told myself I'd refrain from creating one of these, but I figured, what the hell. I'll try to keep the cockwaving to a minimum.

More to come later.

This is the "more" I referred to in my previous post

I love Lincoln. I grew up here, for crying out loud. So why do I wish to leave so badly? Well...

1) Geospatial employment is quite sparse here.

2) I desire to be part of the crowd:

Jonn - In Zambia as of September
Jarod - Currently in South Africa; NYC for grad school
Crystal - Upstate NY, then South America, then somewhere else
Schacht - Also upstate NY, then off on another road trip to find himself (haha)
Emily - KC area
Justin - As of late August, the epicenter of slackerdom (Portland, OR)
Carina - Indianola, Mississippi
Ayesha - Syracuse

I sent out something like 15 resumes/cover letters to firms/agencies in the Boston area that, in theory, may consider employing me. So far, just one e-mail saying they weren't hiring at the moment. Thank you, Metropolitan Area Planning Council.

Oh, and I applied for the CIA. Hell, I met the prerequisites.

Hope you all enjoy the picture of a girl about to get her hand bitten off by a possum (or opossum, whatever)