I'm going to hell for laughing at this, part 2929420

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/5713869/detail.html

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Man Killed In Wood Chipper Identified
Brian Morse Owned Brian's Tree Service

LOVELAND, Colo. -- The man who was pulled into a commercial wood chipper and killed was identified Thursday as the owner of a tree trimming service.

The coroner said Brian Ganiard Morse, 54, was killed instantly Wednesday afternoon when his hand got caught and he was somehow pulled into the machine.

Morse was identified using fingerprints.

The Larimer County Coroner ruled the death accidental and said Morse's cause of death was "total morselization of body due to being pulled by a gloved hand into a commercial wood chipper."

Morse owned Brian's Tree Trimming and Removal Service in Loveland.

Police said there are no indications that alcohol or drugs were factors in the accident and the results of toxicology tests are pending. There are no indications of suspicious circumstances or foul play, investigators said.

Morse's partner saw what happened from the hydraulic bucket where he was cutting branches. He got down and ran to the house where they were working to ask for help. The woman inside called 911 for help, but Morse was pronounced dead at the scene.
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1) "Morselization" is my new favorite word

2) His name was Brian Morse. He was "MORSElized"

...Wow.

Yikes

I was at Walgreens yesterday. They already had Cadbury Cream Eggs out by the register.

Absurdity Ahoy!

Sarah Lenore Schroeder, bless her heart, sent me a birthday card with this picture pasted on it. It appears as though I've been bested in the realm of completely random humor.

In other news, as I type this I'm losing my Chimey Ale virginity. Those Belgian Trappist monks make some fine beer.

I hate Brazilian soccer

Congratulations to Ronaldinho, FIFA's Footballer of the Year, and the ugliest son of a bitch on the planet.

America, America, THIS IS YOU

Does anyone else find the suits Bob Saget wore on 'America's Funniest Home Videos' somewhat comforting?

Ok, so the above picture is not a great example, but think back to the early 90s. There was something almost cozy about those blazers.

Mitsubishi Eclipse 6/14/00 - 12/9/05

Long story short: Got into an ice-related accident last night; the back passenger side of my car was annihilated. Legally my fault (failing to yield on a left turn); the woman who hit me - one of Emily's former professors and a very nice woman - was trying to stop for the light but caught the ice. She was totally fine; I am too aside from a nice bump on my head and a cut hand in a few places.

Either way, looks like my insurance is going to be on the rise. Hopefully the fact that whatever car I end up buying won't be a "sports" car will offset it some though.

But the Eclipse is no more. Obviously I have my priorities in the right places, but I still won't miss that car much.

Why couldn't we have played Saudi Arabia?

The World Cup is the only time I ever get patriotic. They just did the draws for next years groups, and...

Italy
Czech Republic
Ghana
USA

It's going to be a bitch for the US to get out of that group. Plus, I have to root against my distant relatives (haha)

Oh well. The Cup doesn't start until June; maybe the Black Death will strike again before that

Why couldn't we have played Iowa?

One downside to the Nebraska-Michigan Alamo Bowl match-up (aside from three weeks of people assuming that UM will kill us): I won't be able to shout "WOLVERINES!" a la Red Dawn

Oh shit

I just realized an uncanny resemblence between the picture below and my current profile.

Fortunately, I can't find anything to stab myself with within reach

Thanks Liz, that was a fine waste of 45 minutes

The Boy Next Door Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm) Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet. We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what. On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold. More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not. ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: Maaland1242

ahahahAHAHAHAHAHA

'Out Of Control' Scott Stapp Incites Melee With 311 At Baltimore Hotel

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1517207/12012005/id_0.jhtml?headlines=true

As someone on the Something Awful forums pointed out, perhaps it was really a battle over who was more irrelevant.

Well there you have it.

News Link offered me a job writing for various newsletters. I took it.

Now that I'm not trying to "escape" Lincoln, I suppose the purpose of this blog must change as well.

Or maybe just the template.

R.I.P. Mr Miyagi

I will try to find an opportunity to crane kick some blonde kid today in your honor.

Anyone who remembers/enjoyed Super Mario Brothers 2 will get a kick out of this

Make sure your speakers are on first.

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3343&p=4

MOTHER OF GOD



Other deep thoughts for the day: 'Dirty Work' starring Norm Macdonald is one of the best films of the last ten years.

Jesus tapdancing Christ I am so damn bored

No one's around and I'm watching the NU basketball team take on some school named Longwood.

I jacked this from Liz's blog. Something about the 7 deadly sins. Hopefully my night will end with my stomach exploding from too much spaghetti or whatever the heck that was.

Yeah, I realize it's stupid as hell but you know you're going to read it anyway

WRATH
1. Who did you last get angry with? The woman from Garmin that asked if I was comfortable using a computer
2. What is your weapon of choice? I know karate. And jujitsu. And three or four other Japanese words
3. Would you attack a member of the opposite sex? Verbally, hells yeah
4. How about of the same sex? I made a pretty harsh slide tackle on a guy this season
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? The guy I tackled, probably
6. What is your pet peeve? Do I only get one? The Black Eyed Peas. Seriously, what the hell
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Fucking pirates, thinking they can attack our ships in the Mediterranean whenever they want. (YEAH THATS RIGHT, I JUST WORKED A BARBARY WARS REFERENCE INTO THIS)

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? I don't know, work?
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Stupid question. Next
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but havent? Justin; Schacht's mom
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I'm not in the mood to drink
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Ronco Food Dehydrator.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? Fuck off, it's been cold. Ok, maybe last Friday
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? Haha

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Seconding Liz- Naked Juice
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? There is meat beyond poultry last I checked
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? Beats me
4. Are You comfortable with your drinking habits? I've gotten sick off of booze once [ends dickwave]
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Yes please
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"? Depends on which of the two would be the side dish

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? I actually began to count this. Then I remembered freshman year at Shakers
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting family)? Four or five or thirty-eight
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Oh come on
4. Have you had sex? Yeah last I checked
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Pancreas
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Zac and I may have been on Monday, we're not sure
7. Have you ever gotten tested for STDs or pregnancy? I pissed on the applicator and got a '+' sign, what do I win

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? I don't know, two or three? Who cares
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? BED BATH AND BEYOND. Fuck you.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? 1) Student loans 2) new bike 3) Go hang out in Jonn's hut for a while
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? I am famous already, so rich I guess
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Shit, probably
6. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? 1,034. That'll come in handy later I bet

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Getting a TKO against Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson's Punch Out
2. What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? Not being arrested probably
3. What thing would you like to accomplish later in your life? Teach my son/daughter how to beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Not if it doesn't bother second place. Get it? THANKS FOLKS I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of? Liz did you fuck this up when you copied it
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Shit yeah
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Getting most of the way through this stupid thing

ENVY
1. What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Hmm. Jarod's apartment in the East Village I suppose. And Savener's eTrex, because I'm bored and poor
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Maureen used to make me watch that show. I had almost forgotten about it.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Joseph Fiennes, because then I could say I banged Heather Graham in a crappy movie once.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? I don't think so, but who knows (aside from the obvious)
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl, something something something call her
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? I wish I could wear a cap without looking goofy
7. Finally, what is your favorite Deadly Sin? Yogurt

Pretty funny link.

http://lindsaylohannekkid.ytmnsfw.com/

Not porn or anything, but I wouldn't look at it at work.

Make sure your speakers are turned on too.


God Bless America

That orange sweatshirt is awesome

One of the photos from Halloween at Iguana's. When we were going around lobbying for votes for best group costume, we met these Asian kids. They were dressed up as (and this is a direct quote) "CRAZY KIDS!"

Oh yeah, and once again, I'm Rick Moranis's character from Ghostbusters. I tried.

Thanks a fucking bunch, Yahoo

Nothing greater than being asked by an HR rep if I'm comfortable working with computers, considering the job I'm applying for is 120% computer-based. Jesus.

Meant to post this a while ago